Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize