This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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