go do what you do best...puke behind churches
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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