I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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