i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize