It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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