That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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