if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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