i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
