The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
