here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
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On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
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I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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