he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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