Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
