This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
