if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
