I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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