Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
