I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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