i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
