I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
