Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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