Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
