I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize