ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
