Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
