just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
