THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
