just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
