hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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