Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
