is your mom at the bar?
this will be a night to untag.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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