i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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