Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
