I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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