its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
