I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
