'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
