So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
we should paint friendship bongs
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