it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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