I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
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