you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
