Got a toothbrush?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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