I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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