You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
