I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
They have beer where we have blood.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
