oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
