nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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