I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
