Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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