Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize