Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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