don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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