I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
