he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
