you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
