you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
