I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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