is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
