last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
