do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The air was thick with penises
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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