i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
