Your dad touched me again.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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