....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
