No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
