If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
