and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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