I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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