I am puke
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
