it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
