Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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