6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
